The Passion- A Love Story

                                                     The Revival

I felt exhausted and as usual switched on the TV and put up some news channel on it and started arranging dishes on dining table... while I was having my dinner, in the background a news was running on the TV about a man named Rishi who killed a model Richa Sharma in front of as many as 100 people in the bar of an 5 star hotel and even after 2 months of that incident he hasn’t got arrested...in the college days this kind of news might have got my blood boiling but now a day it doesn’t matter..I don’t feel a thing...nothing excites me...my life has got stuck in the middle of nowhere... I changed the channel, finished my dinner, turned the TV off and went to sleep...

At 12:30 my door bell rang...I am kind of a loner, I don’t expect anyone even in the day let alone this time of night...

Who’ this?? I asked

It’s me...

This voice sounded familiar, my mind started mapping faces to this voice and within a fractions of a second I recalled this voice , this voiced not only brought a face in to my mind but also brought countless memories of best era of my life..

I opened the door. And she was there, standing right in front of me, I was stunned, puzzled and couldn’t believe my eyes and I was constantly trying to make myself believe that it was not a dream and she was actually there...my heart started pounding and her sheer presence made me alive, more than ever.. 

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                                                    Our first meeting 

I entered  in to the class, it was 8:45 and classes are meant to start from 9:30, there was no one in the class except a single girl...she was reading something... maybe it was  IT fundamentals (or I don’t know, all course books looked same to me the same in 1^st year)...she had book in her lap was leaning on it...her wisps were dangling  and might be hindering her eyesight as she was constantly adjusting them behind her ears...she was looking beautiful doing that..I kept looking at her...I was intimidated by her... I spent some time gazing on to the walls and asked her the most relevant question at that moment “is there any test going to happen 2day?”.

 “No, why”, she looked upward puzzled and said.

Then why are you studying?? I asked.

I was just killing time... She replied while making gestures with her hand.

l’d rather kill myself than killing my time by reading course book” I joked.

She laughed...

I gauged the opportunity and introduced myself.

Me Vikas gaur...

Myself Shradhha Sharma”...she replied.

From?? I asked.

Karolbagh, and you? She replied and asked.

Noida”, I replied.

So Vikas, you don’t like reading?? She asked while closing her book.

It’s not like that...I like to read , in fact I love to read, but novels, not course books..”, I replied.

“Huh...which is your favourite novel..?” She asked.

The Alchemist... from Paulo Coelho... my favourite writer... and yours?? I asked in quest of an interesting reply...

“I’m not much of a novel reader...though 1’v read 5 point some1...It was good”... she replied without much of enthusiasm...

Yah it’s good but you should try some Paulo stuff too...it’ll blow your mind...” she noticed my excitement while talking about novels...

What’s it about? She asked with zeal.

It’s about following your dream and passion” I replied with excitement.

Do you believe in dreams?? She asked and it was evident from her face that she was enjoying the conversation

Yah... believe in dreams and in passion too...without passion there’s no life... I replied and after that she asked a series of questions...

How do someone know what’s his passion?

Whenever you find anything worth “dying for”, it’s your passion...Whenever you feel the fire inside you for something, it’s your passion... if acquiring that single thing is all you want in this universe, it’s your passion..

What is your passion??

Books...I love reading them...reading and writing is all I want in this whole world...I want to write something classic...some masterpiece..I’ve always dreamed myself of becoming a renowned writer...

Why did you join B.tech??  Shouldn’t you be doing some literature course then??

My parents forced me into it...they want me to make my future secure...they think writing is my hobby...they don’t know it’s my passion..

So, how will you become a writer then??

Universe will find a way for it...it has a unique way of bringing our passion towards us...I believe if u want anything badly enough and put your mind into it, you will get it eventually.

What if someone doesn’t get his passion??

Until you don’t get your passion, your life stuck in the middle of nowhere, you’ll feel incomplete...getting your passion is only thing that can bring peace to you...

What if someone give up on his passion??

You don’t give up on your passion, you strive for it, forever and ever.

It was 9:15...class started to fill by then...around 20-25 students were reached ...classroom was buzzing with their chattering and we find our self unable to continue our conversation...

I got to go to my seat, see you later", I said to her.

kk...it was great talking to you and I’m meaning it”, She said and smiled.

Pleasure is always mine",I said and departed.

Our friendship grew fonder day by day, she liked my sense of humor and my passion toward life and I liked every bit of her, we used to spend time together, turned to each other in hour of need, backed each other in every circumstance... Meanwhile 1^st semester results were out and she was the topper, I was nowhere, I didn’t do well...suddenly she became elite, that’s what results do to you, categories you either as a winner or a looser  and I was among the losers, however results didn’t affect her behavior but it did a lot to me...her style and beauty were enough to make her out of my league but this result thing amplified the gap  b/w her and me...and more importantly I was undone by her meticulous approach towards life, her composure, maturity and her stability..She was perfect...and I was no way near it.

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                                                  The separation 

Hey congrats” I said shook her hand.

Thanks...I guess your best of luck worked” she responded, smiled and hugged me.

Ha-ha...but yours didn’t... I replied wittedly.

Next time it’ll definitely work” she said in assuring tone.

It should. Otherwise I don’t know what’s going to happen to me.” I said in concerned tone.

Everything will be all right” she assured.

Easy to say, my B.tech percentage sucks, many few companies would allow me to sit in their exams and even if I manage to sit, I don’t know how I am going to perform, I haven’t studied in entire 4 years...preventing backlogs had been my sole motive during all those years..” I said and paused for a few seconds.

I never knew this b.tech thing meant so much for my parents...me getting a job is their only hope for a better life” I continued.

Don’t lose hope and don’t moan over this job thing...look at the bright side, your blogs are hit among college students, your poems and short stories have been published in newspapers many a times...day by day you are getting closer to your dream of becoming a novel writer..” she consoled me.

I don’t know if I am that good or not” I said in grief.

You are very good, I believe in you and “you don’t give on your passion, you strive for it”...these are your words, remember??

Yeah” I affirmed...

So promise you’ll never give up on your passion, you’ll strive for it...no matter what’d happen you’ll pursue your dream of becoming a great writer...” she said and stared at me for a response..

I promise” I responded and assured her that I’ll always keep that promise.

One of her friend called her and she went away...and I merged into my thoughts.

I wanted to tell her that may be I was worried about job or anxious about my dream of becoming a writer but above all I was worried about losing her...in some days college life will be over and we’ll part our ways...she is selected in a big shot company and in some days her parents would find some rich guy to marry her...she was beautiful, rich and intelligent and was meant for a guy way better than me..I wanted to tell her how much I love her but I neither had courage nor confidence to do so...I was a looser and always will be and she deserved better.

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                                                   Dream fulfilled                           

                                                                   

I opened my eyes and she was standing holding a tray with coffee and snacks in it...we both went to the balcony and had sip of coffee together...

I read your book” she said

Which one??” I asked

“Eyes don’t lie”

Did you like it?? I asked

Do I need to answer that? it was a national sensation. Your passion thing took whole nation in to storm...

That’s just exaggeration, is that’s the reason behind you bringing the tea and snacks to my bed?? I asked notoriously.

Yeah, I did so for 2 reasons, 1^st I have heard somewhere that a writer fulfil his unfulfilled dreams through his book and 2^nd because I know that the girl you wrote in book is me and the guy is you.” She replied.

Last few words came down heavily on me.

That’s the beauty about books, isn’t it? Often people take it as their own story.” I replied, took my eyes off her and tried to stand up and moved away...

She held my hand... I looked towards her, she was looking in my eyes and said “ it’s the beauty of your book, you presented every minute detail of our relationship there so beautifully and delicately, I had never imagined that our relationship meant so much to you, every word of it was crying out loud that it was written about me and it was written for me...and your lines “whether you care for me or not, whether you’d return for me or not, I’ll always love you, I’ll always care for you, I’d wait for you forever and ever” moved me..It was like a proposal and the best proposal a girl can ever have” she said, her voice became damp and heavy and tears started to roll from her eyes.

I wanted to wipe the tears off her eyes, wanted to look in to her eyes and hug her but I don’t know what happened to me whenever she’s in front of me.

While I was in dilemma and with fighting with myself she continued “after reading your book, I repent that I never really looked in to your eyes, I never tried to understand what they were saying because now I can see in your eyes that you love me, you love me more than anything else in the whole world and no matter what’d happen you’d never give up on me and I can see that in your eyes that “I m your passion”.

Now tears were coming down heavily from her eyes, I moved closer, wiped the tears off her eyes, hugged her, once again our eyes met and lips locked...she was in my arms and finally I was at peace... and then at that moment I realised “she was my passion”, that’s why I wasn’t able to give up on her and that’s why even after becoming the writer of a bestseller, my life got stuck and I was restless...but this time I won’t let her go...I can’t afford to lose her again.

It’s been 2 days since she had come, she had agreed me to not watch news or read newspaper during the time she’s here, I have no idea what’s going on in the outside world and I don’t  want to, I just want look in to her eyes for forever, want to hold in her in my arms and make love to her, these two days are best days of my life..I want time to stop in this moment.

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                                               The Letter                                       

I wake up, without looking up, my hand went out on the other side of the bed for her, she’s not there, I called for her, yet no reply...I reached out of the bed room, went to the kitchen, she was not there too..on my way to other room I saw a letter on the dining table in the hall, it was her handwriting and was written,

 “I love you, I always have, u impressed me on our very first meeting, u were different, your passion for life, passion for your dreams attracted me towards you...you should have looked into my eyes...you could see in my eyes how much I cared about you...the day on which we were separating  I was on verge on my emotions, I wanted you to propose me, wanted you to stop me, but you didn’t , I couldn’t either, I was weak.

 “A year ago my family married me to a rich lad Rishi ..(Yeah!! He is the one who killed model Richa Sharma)...within few days of our marriage I started to hate him...he used to come home getting really drunk and physically assaulted me many times...I was restless and then one day I saw you in the news, u were being interviewed after the phenomenal success of your book...I was so happy and excited that I couldn’t sleep that night...next day I bought your book “eyes don’t lie”...after reading that I felt alive..I couldn’t believe that u were still waiting for me...from that day onwards I’ve thought about only you day and night...I planned to inform my parents that I want divorce with Rishi...but all that got spoiled when 2 days earlier he came home drunk and tried to assault me, I reach out for a rod and hit him on the head with it in self defence, blood started to came out of his skull and in a matter of time he was dead..I got numb...I spent an hour worrying about what to do...I wanted to inform police but couldn’t do it because I was scared, more than police I was scared of Rishi’s family...I couldn’t go to my parents because I knew they’d come looking after me there...then I thought about you...after that I didn’t give myself a second thought..I composed myself, packed my bag and got out of the apartment as quickly as possible, during my stay I wanted to tell you this many times but did otherwise since we both were really happy with each other and I didn’t want to ruin the moment, but I can’t stay for too long, Rishi’s  family would be looking for me and I don’t want them to get to you, I don’t want you to suffer just because of me..

These two days are best days of my life...I’ve been restless for years but now I’m happy...u once said me that “if you find anything worth dying it’s your passion”, I want to tell you that I find you worth dying, “you are my passion” and I m happy that I lived my passion..” 

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                                                        The End 

I was in shock, numbness got hold of me , I blacked out for few moments, but then I composed myself and called her, ring completed its time twice but on 3^rd occasion she picked up the phone

“Where are you”, I asked in shaky voice.

“I’m on my way, I don’t want any trouble for you just because of me”, she replied, her voice was damp, she was sobbing.

“I don’t know about that but if you’d go, then I’ll definitely die...you are my inspiration, you are my life, you are my passion, you are the only thing I’m holding to...my whole world will collapse within moments without you, I can’t afford to lose you , not this time”, I said and my voice was matching my desperation.

Just tell me where are you, I’m coming to get you, I won’t let you go, I don’t care what Rishi’s family capable of I just know that I love you and I’m not giving up on you, I’ll fight for you and I’ll protect you, you just have to believe in me, so just tell me where are you so that I can come and get you” I continued...

After a long pause she responded “I’m in that park in sec-55, where you often come when you feel lonely, I’m so scared, please come and get me”.

I’m on my way, you just keep your calm and stay put” I assured her.

You don’t give on your passion, you strive for it, if you find anything “worth dying”, you should go for it, it doesn’t matter whether you have a plan or not because universe always have one.

A Death is a Death

Once I read a quote somewhere that “if one man dies it’s sad, but if many die it’s statistics”...I appreciated its humour and sarcasm but after watching few days live of Loksabha, I can guess that writer must have been a politician to see humour in someone’s death..

 

Statistics is such a beauty in itself...it was invented to represent facts in efficient and grasping manner but certainly in recent time it has been used as a tool to hide or malign the facts and to disguise or confuse the common man...our “prime minister” and “finance minister” often boast about “growth rate” and “inflation rate” etc.. but the fact is we come from a developing country where 41% of  the total population is still living under poverty line and which is far from being called developed and in a traditional country like ours , a common man always connects the “inflation” to the prices of the domestic items and I don’t understand why govt can’t understand this..People dying out of starvation and politicians are saying mobile, computer and laptop prices are decreasing...and it’s not like that they don’t understand the seriousness of the situation, otherwise they didn’t increase their salaries from Rs.40,000 to Rs.1,20,000, which is three fold..but instead of doing something for them politicians always throw some statistical figures about growth rate and india shining to justify those deaths..

Anyone in this country who is earning less than Rs.560 and Rs. 368 per month in urban and rural areas respectively is below poverty line, which I suggest should be called deadline because anyone’s earning less than that will die in present scenario...and in calculating the poverty line govt. only consider the money needed to acquire sufficient calories to survive..according to them a person only need food to survive, no clothes, no house and no money to cure slightest of his illness...no wonder thousands of people die in every season in this country (be it by heat strokes or in winters due to extreme cold) in lack of any shelter over their head and lakhs die every year in lack of medical treatment...we often read about them in newspapers but they just seem statistical figures to us..

Likewise Indian railways have a long history of accidents and instead of doing something about it, our “railway minister” replied that “no. of accidents in this country are still less than many countries in Europe(another statistical representation)...”...and one should ask him that are we in a competition here? and In similar incident after one of many terrorist attacks(now a days as frequent as festivals..!!) in Mumbai, 1 minister responded  “these sort of small things are bound to happen in big cities like Mumbai..”..These 2 examples shows that when 1 child “prince” falls in boring hole (I hope you all remember that incident...what a national calamity that was..!!!) whole country pray for him and even politicians went there on site but when it comes to number of people died or about to die in bulk it means nothing more than a statistical figure to most of us..And politicians also do nothing except making excuses and presenting more statistical figure to confuse us.

Be it the case of people dying out of starvation, in railway accidents, in Gujarat riots or in terrorist attacks, our politicians need to understand that these are “people” who are dying not some “statistical figures” and after all “A DEATH IS A DEATH NOTHING LESS”..

Brand culture vs Common man

Recently I visited a mall in Noida and felt quite relaxed in cool aura and thanked the mall culture a million times for this liberty but as soon as I left the mall, reality struck me harder and I came to realize how hallucinated and vacuous the mall culture is when I saw the thousands of common man working in extreme heat..

Some time back I saw my friend wearing a goggle of Rs. 2400/-(only...lol) of a prestigious foreign brand and thought how worthless and selfish it is to behave in this manner in a country where our basic requirements are still not accomplished and millions of people are living  below poverty line..

Now days we have a tendency of going to the mall, buying expensive foreign brands and giving them our hard earned money as a gift while we bargain with local shopkeeper even for a rupee who toils hard in extreme heat...go for the lunch in Mcdee worth Rs.200 and fight with rikshawalah for Rs.5 to get there...

One thing I can assure you that this mall and brand culture is nothing more than a mirage created by some highly selfish industrialists and our govt to wrap the poor reality in rich and glazed enfold...  I can guarantee you that our country not going to progress and even our standard of life not going to lift unless and until our money will not reach to the pocket of common men..This money will help them to educate their children, to get adequate nutrition, to get a safe and comfortable place to live, to make them more satisfied and less frustrated with themselves and that will definitely serve our cause...

Whenever u feel urge of cold drink, go for lemon juice, lassi, mango shake etc. Instead of coke, pepsi...just go to local market to buy anything that suits you...go for Indian products as much as possible...and the least we can do is to treat our common men “the unsung hero of our country” which includes farmers, workers, rikshawallahs, dhabawallahs, local shopkeeper, smaller scale industrialists well, to make them feel that they are also the part of the process and they are playing a part in this society which is far more important than it seems..

Although it’s tough to abandon the foreign and expensive brands at once but at least we should make a choice where domestic alternative is available and for God’s sake they are just brands they are not God, we can live without them or we can create some of our own(after all India is the country of entrepreneurs) and we(the youth) should find ways to create more jobs and every possible way to make their life better...after all they are the ones providing base to this country and no county can stand tall until its foundation is strong and trustworthy... 

So, next time you’ll meet any one of these, treat them nicely...and take my words they’ll remember you as “special customer” for lifetime...

I’ve been able to write this blog just because of my very true friend Vivek...most genuine and patriotic of all my friend...always talks and think about country and it’s truly a privilege to have someone like him around me...

friends forever

I have read a lot in books and seen in movies about friends and I really had some good ones right from the beginning in form of Avinash, Saurabh, Anurag, Vivek and Nitin but what I experienced in 6 last month or so is surreal and am not been able to control this urge to write down something about friends..

Whenever the chips are down and going seems to get tougher, they are the force who helps you to keep going, when the world seems standing against you it feels really great to have them by your side all the time and whenever your self belief seems to be shaking they are the ones who helps you  to get it again in the right place ...

In this crappy world where people always forget your good work and remember you always by your last mistake, they are the ones who hold their trust in you and identify you by “what you are” and not by the “circumstances you are in”..When everybody else just looks at “what you did”, they are the ones who dare to think “why you did it” and that’s what justifies their faith in you.... Now I can understand why Socrates and Jesus sacrificed themselves...from where they derived the courage to die for their beliefs... it’s all because they were surrounded by the people who believed in them and when someone believes in you this strongly, it gives you the courage to stand tall and talk straight... 

Being with friends is the only time during which you can afford to become what you are...their sheer presence gives you the sense of comfort and sets you free from all the doubts you had about yourself and suddenly u begin to understand the meaning of “living in the present”..

In every person’s life love and friendship are two most desirable aspects...I haven’t experienced the love which I have seen in movies or read in novels yet but I can say with great surety that I have experienced friendship to its peak, I had never thought that someday somebody will back me so strongly, stand for me in every situation, believe in me and will make me feel special for what I am...I’ve got that somebody in the form of Toshu, Vineet, Prasahant, Sumit and Piyush..I’ll never forget the time I shared with these guys, how we used to come to coll. just to go to vineet’s room where all worries and problems  seem to disappear, how our group of 6 used to convert into of 10 with inclusion of Ajay, Anuj, Alok and Arun (vineet’s room mates) and how nobody wanted to leave, shared thoughts that nobody could have shared with anyone else, partying whole night and then those talks just before sleep and how can I forget those fights for getting their place to sleep....

College life is about to end but I don’t believe that I’ll get separated from these guys, they will always remain in my heart, I’ll see them in my each and every dream and would thank them for providing me such a great time, for providing me the days of my life, for making me believe that all those fairy tales about friends are not an exaggeration and most importantly for providing me my “ENTOURAGE”...

Mom-all my lovings 4 u..

I never needed a mother’s day to show my care, affection and love to her, I never miss a chance to show her how special she is to me...but today i’v got this special opportunity to show that how extra special she is to me....

 I born in churu (Rajasthan).At the time of birth I was weak and during 1^st 6 months I had more than my share of fevers and diseases...daddy and grandpaa were working in Noida at that time...so it was my grandmaa and my mom who took me to various child specialists but it was my mom who struggled a lot during that period..As I came to know later that during that period each of my uncles and aunties and even my grandparents were not sure whether it was worth struggling or not...but she  bear endless sufferings to make sure that I would not lose the life which she had given to me after so much of struggle and labor..Finally her faith and hard work paid off and now me living a healthy life all coz of her...

If someone needs some inspiration then he /she can draw inspiration from the simple fact that someone has gone through a lot of pain to bring them to this world so they should make this pain worth and make their life a success or at least think a million times before throwing it away..

I thank her for being there for me on all parents-teacher meetings when daddy was busy, for those tea that she made for me at midnight to help me awake, for taking care of all my stuff, thank her for being my first teacher, for listening to my stupid  stories carefully about how the day went in school, for being there in front of school with umbrella on rainy day,  for those infinite no. of sleeps I’ve got in her lap,  for making me believe that I m the most special boy in the world,  for praying for me all the time, for being such a support to daddy which helped him to keep going for so long, for giving me such a beautiful and caring sister and finally thanks to mom and dad to make home the safest and most comfortable place in the world.

On this esteem occasion I also want to thank my sister who has loved me like my mother, she has always bestowed me with all of her care and affection...even now when she has her own child, it’s not making any difference to her and she always showers her unconditional love on me...

love you mom,forever and ever...